Sunday, January 15, 2006


By the time the party was over, a few Jedi came out to take care of the spy.

"Oh look!" He shouted once he saw them, "More of you! Come, I'll take you all!"

"Y'want me to take his head off?" I asked 'em.

"No, we want answers." the coneheaded guy said an' looked at me like I should know better. What a wuss. "Say, why don't you run along and watch some TV, or something?"

"Well good luck, cause that feller's awful annoying." I left the scene.

I went into the livin room; no one was there. Good, I thought. I pulled a bag of Cheetos out from under a matress on the couch - my secret stash. As soon as I turned the TV on, it flashed a bunch of pretty bright colors.

"Are you sitting at home, all alone?"

I looked around. Still no one else here. "Ayuh."

"Eating the same old trash, getting fatter everyday?"

I hate to admit it, but Cheetos was junk food, and I been gainin pounds like crazy from 'em. "Ayuh."

"You don't have to any longer! Come to TVLand today!" They showed roller coasters. Giant Winnie the Pooh with a guy's face inside his mouth. A big ol' spinny ride that looked like your guts could fly out your mouth any second. I carn't believe what I was seein. "Rides, games, food, and all your favorite characters! Tickets on sale now!" A little blonde girl who looked like she was four years old appeared on the screen, eatin a bag of Cheetos.

"I... wuv TV-wand... cos it is s-so awesome!" Daisy Duck. Peter Griffin dressed up like a real person. Ernest.

Right before the commercial ended, I know I'd seen Ernest.

And I'll prove it to 'em.

Friday, January 06, 2006

The Black Spy

So the council found out that a Sith Lord was gonna send one'o his spies to the Temple to do some investigatin. Our mission was to wait for 'im to land somewhere at the doorway and knock im out and tie im up fer some serious questionin. Anni was fumin at first, 'til we found out Senator Padme ain't comin, cause she had the flu.

We stood at the doorway and waited.

And waited. Ships an' speeders were zippin all round the Temple, but not one'a dem landed here.

"You know, G. No one's comin anyway, why doncha go grab us some booze?"

"Naw, t'ose council members tole me it was mighty important to wait here. Maybe them Siths' even right here, waitin for us to leave so they can sneak in."

Sudd'nly, a big 'ol black figure jumped outta nowhere. He looked to be somewheres round six feet tall, all dressed black metal armor.

"I'll have no quarrel with you if you let me in."

Anni and I pulled out our lightsabers. "We ain't lettin you nowhere, pardner." I tole him. He pulled out his.

"Then you shall die."

Anakin came at him and aimed for his face but he swung quickly an blocked it. They had them sabers locked for a second, until I came in and slashed his arm with the lightsaber clean off. Blood ran outta his empty arm socket.

"Tell us," I commanded, "Who is this 'Darth Sidious' feller?"

"This battle isn't won yet!" He picked his saber back up with his remainin arm.

"You mad, yo? You lost an arm."

"No I haven't!"

"What's that then?"

"I've had worse. Now try me, fools!"

Since this guy was a righty, he was mighty unskilled with his left-hand. B'fore he could swing, Anakin chopped his other arm off. Blood immediately ran outta it. He looked awful silly.

"I suggest you go back an' rethink your life," I tole him good.

"Oh, had enough, eh?"

"Uh, that's pretty wack, man. What're you gonna do, bleed on me?"

"Yeah. How's you s'posed to fight with no arms left?"

"Have at you!" He kicked my knee hard with his left foot.

"Gawddangit," I yelled, "I just banged it on the doorway this mornin!" I slashed his leg off. "You stupid loony!"

"I'm invincible!"

"You kiddin,' man? You just got shlazzammed. Why don't you go back to yo box now?"

"Oh I see. Chicken! Chicken!"

"Look, I don't wanna kill you an' shizz, but if you keep-"

"Say, aren't you the one who's having an affair with Senator-"


He now had no legs left, just a goofy head on a torso sittin upright on the ground. "Say, let's call a draw."

"C'mon, G. Let's tell the others." We went back into the Temple, followed by obscene curses behind us.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

A Threat

Us Jedi've been preparin for weeks. A buncha senators are comin over for some kinda celebration. Mace Windu says it's gonna be "sophisticated," which has got a lot to do with them fancy clothes with buttons, and alcohol.

This mornin, we held a council for somethin important that just came up.

"A disturbance in the galaxy there is" Master Yoda started sayin. He showed us all a crumply note. "This letter I found stapled on the back of my door. It reads:
A droid spy will be sent over this Thursday at some time during the party of yours. We are planning on gathering information for an attack. Unless you want to be invaded, put every single Jedi's saber into a package and leave it at your doorstep by the 28th. This is a warning. Sincerely, Darth Sidious."

Master Yoda looked down. "Yesterday I found it... but dated last month it is" A whole buncha Jedi Masters gasped.

"But that would be tomorrow, during the party!" the guy with the moon-shaped head pointed out. I gasped.

"Well we gotta do somethin!" I shouted, "They might pose a threat to the performin banthas I hired for entertainment!" The others looked around.

"Say," Mace thought, "How about you hold off the intruders during the party?"

"Me?" I asked, flabberghasted. A couple'a them nodded in approval.

"Jah, mon." The tall one with the big 'ol neck agreed, "Them droids are nothing but cheap scrap metal."

"But I'll miss the party." I pointed out.

"Come on, Obi," Mace said, "What's more important - helping the Temple out, or going to some little party?"

"Yeh, I guess you're right. But if I hafta go, Anni comes too."

"Sure thing."

Looks like it's up to the Kenobinator to save the Temple again. It's just too darn bad I gotta miss the bantha circus.