Friday, October 28, 2005

Glue Wars

Mrs. Pringles, the ol' lady who works at the craftin' place din't hand me none glue t'day. Norm'ly, I just sit dere an' help out the young'ns with deir projects, but I can tell she don't like me much. So I sat dere, with a sheet 'o constructin' paper an some glitter, watchin' Harvey bein' able to eat his glue. Just wasn't fair. He'ws savorin' it in fronta me an' everthang. I asked if he'd like to trade it for the glitter, but he said no. Guess I cain't blame 'im though, glitter tastes like copper pennies.

“C'nah please have some glue?” I says.

“No Obes. Mrs. P says you'd eat it all,” he says.

“Hey, you eats paste too!”

“That's 'cuz it's my paste!”

“So you ain't ev'n gonna share none'a it?”

He shook his head and b'gan cuttin' his paper. I snatched the glue 'way from 'im.

“Give that back, you bully!” He says, and sterts hittin' me on the stomach. It din't hurt none, I got a gut like steel.

“Hey, no hitting, Harvey! Sit down!” Mrs. Pringles said.

“But he's got my glue-”

“I'ws on'ee borrowin' it-”

“Harvey, sit down!” That ol lady was furious. “Kenobi, get out.”


“I said, get out.” She said those last two words all whisper-like, but she sounded ready to essplode.

“Rightey then.”

I left the room, thinkin' of how I'ws gonna git more paste. Young'ns git all the freedom. Sumtimes, I'd give anything to be one o' them again.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Looking for cheetos

I ran outta Cheetos today, so I went to ask Yoda if he could git some outta the hidin' place. It's in his room someplace, and he won' let me in. If'n he did let me in, maybe he'd quit havin'da go "Kenobi! Quit bothering me or a force-wedgie I will give you! Cheetos I will get later." But lil' green monkeys cain't be reasoned none with. They just git mad and screech and ev'erthang.

When I found him, he must'a been sleepin' or somethin.' He had his legs crossed an' wus just sittin' dere, all still. I bent down in frunta him.

"Master Yoda? You dere?"


"Howdy dere."

He didn't move. I guessed it was a lost cause, so I went and looked for those Cheetos mahself.

As soon as I opened his door, I smelled 'em. They were comin' from the closet, all fresh and cheesy-smellin.' Some say I got a real good nose fer Cheetos. I opened the closet door an' this caught my eye.

I took mosta the Cheetos (but I left some'n case 'ee got suspicuous - clever, ain't I?) and turned to walk out the door, when I saw this tacked up 'gainst the wall.

Kinda r'minds me of that creepy lil' green chick, who's got piccers of Master Yoda ev'rwhere. In fact, they're both kinda creepy.Those two'd sure make a good couple.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

The perfect date

I was scrubbin' the temple floors this mornin' when I decided it was the perfect time to take Aayla on that date. I left muh scrubbin' brush and hurried to her room. On my way, Master Yoda stopped me.

“Kenobi! Scrubbing the floor you should be. Going off to, where are you?”

“Uhhhb... Lookit, it's a spaceship!” I pointed at the ceiling, and Master Yoda looked up. I ran off all the way to Aayla's room and found her clippin' her toenails.

“Ben! What the-”

“No time, honey! The green dude's after us! We're going fishin' today!” I picked her up and carried her out the Temple. All the time, she was screamin' stuff like “Let me go!” and “You jerk!” but I could tell she was really excited.

We got out and I dumped her in the backseat of my speeder. I took off immediately, in case Yoda should send more of those nannies after me.

We went all the way to that one spot where I go fishing and rented a little purple boat. It's the kind that's got paddles on it, where you put your feet. We paddled a few feet into the lake. On the way she told me something about my eyes but she din't give me no cheetos. We sat for a while looking at the scenery. The water was really really shiny.

“Check this out.” I said.


I opened the can of bait I brought. Somethin' doggone funky must've happened because the can was all full of hair gel. Either that or scalp wax.

“Ben? Why'd you bring hair gel?”

“I – er – um... decided to change muh hairstyle.” I scooped somma that stuff out and plopped it on muh head. Coolest guys never show their mistakes.

“Alright, then.” She said and took one of the rods out. “Where's the bait?”

“The bait?”

“Yes, where's the bait?”

“What ever do we need bait for when we got our bare hands?” I said, “I can catch fish with muh bare hands with muh eyes closed. Been doing that since I'ws two.” which was a lie, because those fish are mighty darn slipp'ry. But, like I said, she thinks I'm perfect, an' I cain't let down muh girl like that.

“Hah. Show me.”

I stared out into the water. I'ws getting' ready to somethin' I'd be getting into buttloads of trouble for. I'ws guessin the masters wouldn't let me back in the Temple if my robes were wet. No one likes wet Kenobi. Guess it's 'cause I'd steal all their girls. I was starin' in there for a while b'fore I saw him.

“Wah! It's muh twin-”


Aayla screamed, but the water wasn't very much deep, which was good, 'cause I cain't swim none. Mah twin must've swam away, though.

“I'm fine, don't panic, sweetheart.”

“Why don't we go home?” She was soaking wet. I guess I made a mighty big splash, din't I? She seemed mighteh angry, too.

“But we didn't catch any fish.”

“It's fine. Let's go.” She sounded perty annoyed.

We paddled back and got back into the speeder I borrw'd from Anakin. I sure hope he don't mind I got mud all over the seats. I flew us all the way back to the Temple. Aayla din't say a word. We went in and Aayla still din't say nothin. She's prolly speechless, seein' how muh drivin's perfect. Nothin' works like the Obinator charm.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Surprise Date

Aayla and I are going on a surprise date tomorrow. I have it all set up in my head:

Me: Aayla, we're going on a date today.
Her: Hooray! What kind of date?
Me: We're going fishing! I got everything packed. A fishing rod, booze, yeah.
Her: Yay! You're the best, Obi-Wan! I love you!
Me: I love you too, honey.
Her: Here's a bag of cheetos.
Me: Well there! Don't mind if'n I do.
(We both start laughing)

I can't wait to spring it on her. She'll be so happy, she'll squeal at the sight of the bait I have in store.

Hehe... this one tickles. I think I'll name him Gordie.